My body may be lean but my mind is still fat!

Next month will be one year since I started on my journey to a healthier and skinnier me. My expectations have been blown out of the water. I never imagined I would feel as good about myself as I do now.
Let me give you some background. I was skinny my whole childhood. I was one of the lucky ones who didnt watch what they ate. Although I always preferred veggies over sweets, calorie counting and exercising never crossed my mind.  I was active. I played basketball and marched in the marching band. Anyone who has been in the marching band knows its alot of walking and long days on hot asphalt parking lots practicing. Anyway, long story short, at my high school graduation I was 105 lbs and wore a size 4/5. That  was the norm for me. Then my whole life changed.
 Right out of high school I got pregant with my oldest son. Don't regret that for a minute. I love being young while my kids are growing up.  But with the pregnancy came complications and bed rest for quite some time. I was sick constantly and held nothing down. All of a sudden i was no longer active, sometimes no longer movign much. And by the time I had my son, I weighed 130 lbs. Not bad right. I can handle this. Put on 25 lbs during pregnancy. But guess what, it never went away. Then it built from there. By the time I decided it as time to do something I was 160 lbs. (Thats after another child and 12 years).
About 4 years ago went on a 1000 calorie diet and walked all the time. I was able to drop 30 of those lbs. That took me to 130lbs. But then in the next 3 years I put 15 of those lbs back on. Last Year around the end of November while everyone was talking about pigging out over the holdiays and then starting fresh for the new year I decided I wasn't waiting. So the last week of November, the week of Thanksgiving, I started my journey. And I didnt do it alone. I took my whole family, husband and kids along for the ride. I believe they would all thank me today if they thought about it. But I know they are thankful they all look good! :)
I've told my story how it started, riding a stationary bike, jumping jacks, boxing, push ups, sit ups, walking. Then it evolved to fit club in march and their workouts and P90X. i'm not here to tell you how I got to where I am. I'm here to tell you how I feel now.
 Okay,  background complete. Now for today.
I am small than I have ever  been and I did it the healthy way. People do not realize how much time has gone b y since I started my journey and they ask me, Wow, Size 14 to a size 2. Thats awesome. How long did that take? And when I say almost a year, they frown. It didn't seem that long to them and hey, they expect instant results. I know better. I've worked my butt literally off in the last year and plan on continuing it to stay in shape!  I love the way I look and feel that is enough to keep me on the right track.
However, I don't always remember I'm fit now. You may wonder how that is possible. Expecially if you've been smaller your whole life. I still have days I wont put on that form fitting shirt because I feel my fat rolls are hanging out. I still go for the baggy pants over the slimming and skinny jeans. I still feel big in those too. Just because my body has made the adjustment doesnt mean my mind has. I have many moments of insecurity about my figure.  Yes my whole childhood i was skinny but my whole adult life, (13 years) I was overweight!
I have not bought any new clothes this last year until recently. I would wear my size 14 pants and tighten a belt around them. most of my shirts are too big. I've recently started collecting some new tee shirts and that was my extent of new clothes. A few weeks ago I decided I was tired of wearing pants that were too big. I went to buy me a new pair. I automatically went for the bigger sizes. I tried on a 5/6 first. Too big. Wow, i was happy. then i tried on a 4. Still too big. What?!?!?! I tried on a size 2. They were even a little loose in the waist but that was as low as I could go. The size zero didnt around my hips. :) So I was shocked. I could wear a size 2. Are you kidding! Even in high school I didnt wear a size two. I rode that thrill for a while.
Then Monday night at fit club a friend took my body fat measurements. She then texted me later the results. 15.4% body fat! I was considered lean! My second suprise thrill for the month. Wow! I was actually lean! Even though there are some days I look in the mirror and still see a size 14. I'm not. And eventually I will make myself understand that. But it takes time.
Point of the story, when someone who has recently or maybe even not so recently acts suprised or thrilled or shocked over how little they are, realize that maybe they aren't seeing what you are seeing. Don't be so quick to judge them and think oh they just want attention or they are showing off. Because most of the time we are oblivious to how they really look. The mind is a funny thing.
I've posted a picture of myself in Jan 2011 (that was after we worked out 3 months) next to myself last month. It really shows how far I've come just this year. I wish I still had my picture from when i started in Nov. But I have lost it somehow.
 I hope that my story and my success will motivate everyone who reads this. Its pretty simple. Decide. Committ. Suceed.
It is true what they say though, it starts in the kitchen. Don't just eat low calories. Eat the calories that are good for your body.

 J.

It's all about your mindset!

So many of my friends would say "Oh your on a diet" or "I bet you can't eat that on your diet" or "Can you tell me how your diet works?" Well guess what folks. My answer every time. "Im not on a diet." When they look perplexed I further inform them. "its not a diet. Its just the way I prefer to eat. Healthy, Clean. It's not that I can't have it. It's that I don't want it"
See most people start out trying to lose weight and get fit by trying to "diet". That right  there will almost Guarantee failure. Why? Because haven't you ever heard that what we can't have is what we want most? 
 So how do you go from can't having it to not wanting it? Well, I'll admit, at first it was def can't for me. I told myself, you can't have that. I did want it more. So what I started doing was eating healthy and clean 6 days a week and on my 7th day I'd give myself a treat. one of my favorite meals that isn't on the Clean menu. Only I cut my portion in half.  After my very first what we'll call "cheat" meal, I felt so guilty that I didnt have another one for 3 weeks. I also learned that most of the time I would crave things because I forbid myself to have them. If I gave in an ate one bite, I'd realize i didnt really want it after all.
The point is not to give in to every craving. The point is change the way you think about your eating habit. If you think of it as a diet and I can't have this, you'll want it. Trying telling yourself it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle and the way I CHOOSE to eat. When you get that craving instead of letting your mind say, "Well, I can't have that because it's not in my diet" think "I could probably have a bite and be fine and I may even decide I don't want it anymore. But if I do eat that foot that isn't healthy and clean, how will it help me? How will I feel afterwards." Don't forbid yourself to have something but tell yourself again why it's not a good choice.
What are your goals? To get fit? To lose weight? to just be healthy?  Think of the hardwork you put into your daily exercise. How closely you monitor your calorie intake and burn. Is it really worth seeing those numbers skewed just to have that bite of chocolate bar? Or piece of pizza? Depends on how bad you want your results. Depends on how bad you want to get fit, stay fit, and meet your goals.
It's all in how you think about it? Do you have to? or do you want?
Me, I want to. That keeps me on track! 

My Path

 Hey guys! About six month ago I decided it was time for a lifestyle change. My clothes were tight. My families clothes were all getting too tight. In late November as a family we started exercising 3 nights a week and we've all made remarkable progress on our journey! If you've seen my family recently you know what I'm talking about. Now we've all gone our seperate way in exercising doing what we have found works best for us but we are all still at it! That being said I want to tell you about my path.




We all started out working on our cardio with runnig in place, jumping jacks, riding a bicycle (stationary in the winter), then with push ups, sit ups, and most importantly light weights. We also trained in Boxing. We have a heavy bag so learned the basics of boxing and had some fun beating the crap out of each other. That right there is an awesome work out!



But after 5 months and losing several pant sizes I felt like I personally needed something more. About a month ago I got hooked up with this group that meets on Monday nights and do popular workout videos. They have helped me out so much and really made me push to make the difference. I've gone from wearing size 12 pants to a size 6 and a size xl shirt to size M.



Team Beachbody has made a real difference in the way I look at working out. I no long look at it as something I have to do to look good. I look at it as something I want to do to feel healthy. I've learned that it begins in the kitchen and hope that slowly I'll learn what is good food and what is not. Sometimes the packaging can be deceiving.



So as of today, thanks to a good friends Birthday present to me, I've become a coach for Team Beachbody. That doesnt mean I am an expert in fitness and nutrition. That means I'm committed to helping myself and at the same time helping anyone who may want help to work towards a more active and healthy lifestyle. Check out my website and feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like to join me in my journey to looking and feeling great! Even if it's just suggesting workouts or helping you work even a short workout into your day. I have a whole group of coaches guiding me so if I can't help I know someone who can.



www.beachbodycoach.com/jennyljones



Also, I'd like to invite anyone who is interested in joining me on Monday nights at 6:30 for a free workout! Try out all the popular workouts like p90X, Rev Abs, Turbo Fire, and many more!



Thanks for taking a minute to read this.



Jenny

The juggling act....

Something I've gotten real good at, or maybe I'm not good at it at all and I'm just getting by is the juggling act of my life. As of this moment I have so many projects, priorities, or simply things going on I'm really not sure where to start or even finish.

Act one- First and foremost which should be and is my most important is my family. My husband who puts up with all my quirky creative projects, desire to work out, and intense concentration and afternoons lost on photo shoots and editing. None of those things, with the exception of lifting weights interest him but he makes a great effort to pretend like they do. So, in turn, I make a great effort into making sure he knows I appreciate it and mostly him. Although we probably don't do as many things as he wants as opposed to what I want we do them together and that is exactly what counts. There are so many reasons why I love him and this is just one of them. 

Then there are my kids. All five of them! Yes Five! Two are my biological sons and the other three are my step children but anyone who knows the family knows you can't tell where one part of the blended family ends and the other begins. I've tried to pull my kids into working out with me and for months it worked. It def got us through the dreary winter months when it was way too cold to go outside and play. Now that its sunny and warm though I can not get them to stay home long enough to do much! That's okay, all I want is for them to be happy and they seem like they are. So my oldest step daughter, Lindsay, works out with me all the time. I cherish the time we have together.  I will never replace her mother, or her grandmother since that is who raised her mostly, but she knows I am always there for her in any way she wants. Friend, mother, confidant. Us girls, we gotta stick together. Then there is my oldest boy Jimmy. He worked out alot with us too until lately. Now all the kids are finding their own  things to do and don't have enough time for mom. Of course that doesn't mean I don't make time for them. That's where the juggling act comes in. Little act they will remember. I play basketball with them. Relax in the front yard with them. Listen to their stories and console them when their feelings are hurt.  So many little moments make up our life that I can not possible tell or remember every one. I just know that when it comes to the juggling act, they get priority.

Act two- Work! Yep, I have a full time job. Luckily for me, my job is the Monday through Friday 7am to 4pm kind so there usually isn't any overflow or take home work. I get up early, which i desperately hate, go to work, put in my hours, then get off work to begin the other part of my life. This part is pretty straight forward and clear cut. Between the hours of 7-4 I belong to this large corporation.

Act Three- Picture me this.... A few years ago I started taking photographs and friends and family urged me to expand so now, I take pictures for money. Not alot of money and not alot of pictures but enough to make me happy. What I love about my venture with pictures is that I have the same clients that come to me over and over again. So I get to see kids grow, families grow, and smiles bloom. Sometimes summer can be very hectic! I cannot keep myself from pushing that little round shutter button on my camera so I usually end up with way more pictures than I originally told myself I would take. Ask any one of my clients, they'll tell you. But as hectic as it is to schedule a photo shoot into my already bulging schedule the real hard part is finding the time to sit down and edit the pictures afterwards.

Alot of people have no clue the time and energy that is put into their glorious pictures after the shoot. It's not just a point and shoot type of job. No, almost every professional pictures goes through a photo shop editing program before anyone other than the photographer sets eyes on it. You can spend anywhere from two minute, if only the basic lighting, contrast, sharpness, editing is needed to a full 10 minutes or more if you do more fancy editing or heavy editing is needed on each picture. Then you review and make adjustments and I'll just tell you that its time consuming and most photographers log hours editing after a shoot. So basically, I fit this into my schedule either on my lunch hour or late at night. usually after 9pm on a work night before I get any editing done.

Act Four- Burning fat! I've got that body type and metabolism that if I stay active and eat right I can keep the kind of body I want. But once I go inactive and slack on the healthy eating, I pack on the pounds and usually right around the middle! Its like an inner tube around my lower tummy that will NEVER deflate no matter how many holes I poke in it! So 6 months ago, End of November, I decided that I was gonna pop that tube once and for all and by Memorial day weekend, which is also my 33rd birthday weekend, was going to look great in a bikini. So for 3-5 days a week I have spend 1-3 hours sweating, hurting, and sometimes crying just to meet this goal. Now sadly, with my personal deadline just a tad over two weeks away I can say I'm not going to be where I want to be. However the progress I've made is awesome and I know since I've taken the time to do it right, it'll be lasting and not some freak weight loss. So I'll continue my workout program and maybe by my vacation at the end of June I'll be where I want to be.

So on Monday nights I work out with a group called Monday Nite fit club. They do great workouts. P90x, Turbo Fire, Insanity workouts and many more. I have to wonder if I had starting with them sooner would I have made my goal. I usually take Tuesdays off. On Wed and Thursdays I do zumba at Heidi Garza's Dance studio. I love it. Its a great fun way to work out. Then I usually lift weights one or both days. I take Friday off and then do something on Saturday and Sunday like riding bikes, workout videos, walking, jogging. I try to do it 5 days a week but sometimes I only make it 4 days. Every little bit helps!

Act Five- I am seriously addicted to reading. I read every minute I have free. I have books in my van, I have books on my phone and on my computer. By my bed, by my couch. Just about anywhere I can find a book. Because someone asked me once how many books I've read and I couldn't answer them, I've decided to keep track this year. As of Jan first I started to keep a book log. (Check out my last blog post for details). So far, I've read 47. My goal is to have read 100 by end of year. With summer coming on that is going to be a long shot since I stay pretty busy then but we'll see how it works out!

Act six- Sometimes I sit down and start typing and later I'll read the words on the paper and say, hey where did that come from? I'm an impulsive writer. I love to write although in the last 5 years my creativity was pretty much geared towards photography I feel the urge to write coming back. (can you tell?) So when a good friend of mine, Mr Neil Brown himself, asked if I would like to collaborate on a book idea I jumped at it. And now we've started it and I'm anxious to get to typing. so you can add this into my juggling act as well.

So as of right now I've got six balls juggling in the air. Sometimes I drop one and it'll sit there for a bit before I can pick it back up but I always pick it back up. After all, this is one juggling act I don't wanna miss!

My 2011 Book Log

Anyone that knows me knows that reading is an obsession with me. So I've been keeping a running list of books I've read since Jan. 1, 2011. I'll update this list as I finish books. So far this year I've stuck with light womens fiction. Wonder how that will change as the year progresses.


1. The Sooner the Better by Debbie Macomber
2. Sooner or Later by Debbie Macomber
3. Someday soon by Debbie Macomber
4. The Shop on Blossom St. by Debbie Macomber
5. A Good Yarn By Debbie Macomber
6. Back to Blossom St. by Debbie Macomber
7. Summer on Blossom St by Debbie Macomber
8. Kiss me if you can by Carly Phillips
9. The Back up plan by Sherryl Woods
10. Flirting with Disaster by Sherryl Woods
11. Waking up in Charleston by Sherryl Woods
12. Stealing Home by Sherryl Woods
13. A Slice of Heaven by Sherryl Woods
14. Feels Like Family by Sherryl Woods
15.Welcome to Serenity by Sherryl Woods
16. Home in Carolina by Sherryl Woods
17. Sweet Tea at Sunrise by Sherryl Woods
18. Honeysuckle summer by Sherryl Woods
19. About that Man by Sherryl Woods
20. Ask Anyone by Sherryl Woods
21. Along Came Trouble by Sherryl Woods
22. Glory Glory by Linda Lael Miller
23. The INN at Eagle Point by Sherryl Woods
24. Flowers on Main by Sherryl Woods
25. Harbor Lights by Sherryl Woods
26. Seaview Inn by Sherryl Woods
27. A Chesapeake Shores Christmas by Sherryl Woods
28. Diary of a Mad Fat girl by Stephanie McAfee
29. Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin
30. Miranda's biggest Mistake by Jill Mansell
31. Driftwood Cottage by Sherryl Woods
32. Breaking the Rules by Suzanne Brockmann
33. Underfoot by Leanne Banks
34. Sunset Bay by Susan Mallery
35. Love is Murder by Allison Brennan
36. Already home by Susan Mallery
37. My one and only by Kristan Higgins
38. Aftershock by Jill Shalvis
39. Fast Women by Jennifer Cruise
40. Chasing Fire by Nora Roberts
41. Night Road by Kristin Hannah
42. The Peach Keeper by Sarah Addison Allen
43. Almost like being in love by Christina Dodd
44. Just for Kicks by Susan Andersen
45. Moonlite Cove by Sherryl Woods
46. Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris
47. 10th Amendment -Womens Murder Club, James Patterson
48.The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson
49. Southern Comfort by Fern Michaels
50. Beach Lane by Sherryl WOODS
51. Exclusively Yours by Shannon Stacey
52. Undeniably Yours by Shannon Stacey
53. Yours to Keep by Shannon Stacey
54. Baby, Drive South by Stephanie Bond
55. The Homecoming by Joann Ross
56. Big Girl by Danielle Steele
57. Baby Come Home by Stephanie Bond
58. One Summer by Joann Ross
59. Forever Again by Shannon Stacey
60. Sister of the Bride by Susan Mallery
61. Don't Say a Word by Barbara Freethy
62 Go for No by Richard Fenton & Andrea Waltz (short self help book)
63. Tough Customer by Sandra Brown
64. Silent Run by Barbara Freethy
65. Mood Called by Patrcia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 1)
66. Blood Bound by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 2)
67. Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 3)
68. Bone Crossed by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 4)
69. Playing Dirty by Susan Andersen
70. Only Mine by Susan Mallery
71. Silver Borne by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 5)
72. River Marked  by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 6)
73. Split Second by Catherine Coulter
74. The 7th Victim by Alan Jacobson
75. Crush by Alan Jacobson
76. Secrets of Bella Terra by Christina Dodd
78. Guilty Pleasures by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 1)
79. Velocity by Alan Jacobson
80. Only Yours by Susan Mallery
81. The Laughing Corpse by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 2)
82. Storms of Visions by Christina Dodd
83. Revenge of Belle Terra by Christina Dodd
84. The Ideal Man by Julie Garwood
85. Circus of the Damned by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 3)
86. The Mercenary by Cherry Adair (T Flac series 1)
87. The Lunatic Cafe by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 4)
88. Kiss and Tell by Cherry Adair (T Flac Series 2)
89. Bloody Bones by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 5)
90. The Abduction by John Grisham
91. Prey by Linda Howard
92. Only His by Susan Mallery
93. Burnt Offerings by Laurel Hamilton (/Anita Blake Series 7)
94. The Killing Dance by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 6)
95. Coming Home by Mariah Stewart (Chesapeake Diaries 1)
96. Blue Moon by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 8)
97. Home Again by Mariah Stewart (Chesapeake Diaries 2)
98. Obsidian Butterfly by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 9)
99. Almost Home by Mariah Stewart (chesapeake Diaries 3)
100. The Hunger Pains by Suzanne Collins (The Hunger Games Series Book 1)
101.The Next Always by Nora Roberts
102. Chasing Fire by Suzanne collins (The Hunger Games Series Book 2)
103. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (The Hunger Games Series book 3)
104. Eat that Frog  by Brian Tracy
105.  Good to Great by Jim Collins
106.  Hogans Law by Kay Hooper
107. Heat Wave by Richard Castle
108. Naked Heat by Richard Castle
109. Raven on a wing by Kay Hooper
110. Heat Rises by Richard Castle
111. Baby don't go, by Stephanie Bond
112. Magic Bites by Iiona Andrews
113. At home by the sea by Christina Skye
114. Hometown Girl by Mariah Stewart

Catching up....

Every day I check my buddy Neil Browns blog to see if he has written any more! Its almost like an obsession you see. His writing interest me and he adds just enough humor to make what could be a really depression subject, interesting and not depressing at all! I was thrilled when yesterday he posted not just one but two blogs. After I read his blog I was browsing through the rest of his site because he just doesn't have a page, he has a whole freakin site dedicated to his writing, and saw my name! Yep, there it was Jenny Jones Blog. Which reminded me that I very well may have been neglecting my own blog. Oops!

So here I am, catching up! My life isn't all that intersting and I don't have any major pitfalls to over come. Its life. My life. Work, family, working out, read sleep! So here it goes! All in a nutshell! :)

This month has been awesome! We have had some really great weekends. The weather was beautiful and we took full advantage of the first two weekends in March by spending it at the lake. I will refer to the Lake many times and what I mean by that is my Grandparents house on Lake Barkley.

The first weekend we went down was with the whole family. All of our kids including Troy, Lindsay and Chloe. Then of course Nanny and Papa too! We packed so much fun into one day that we were all so wore out. It was a great weekend with very little fighting. (still some, we can't expect miracles).
We did some much needed yard work in the morning hours. Aaron and Jimmy took turns driving the riding lawn mower up and down the hill to unload sticks and leaves. Aaron succeeded in dumping CHloe and Jimmy off the wagon and the tail gate hit JImmy right in the head! He had a nasty cut which everyone insisted didnt need stitches so i went with the majority vote even though i still think it could have used a few! Then we ate our favorite lunch. Porkys! An older man smokes his pork in a parking lot and we love it! Its a real treat for us! Then.....We rode the 4 wheelers, played foot ball, shot Bob and Troys guns! Just sat around and gabbed! It was a really really wonderful weekend! We watched movies and played poker all night Saturday. Papa kicked all of our butts! But we didnt expect any less. Lindsay and Papa both have a real big competitive streak which def made the night interesting. I kept stealing Bobs chips. Figures as his wife I was due them! :)
The next weekend we went down with Amy and Hayjo and Nanny and Papa. We went into town on Saturday morning with complete intentions on going to the civil war reenactement they had going on but all of our allergies were killing us! So we ate some Porkys (of course), went to FREDS, (gotta love freds), and then went back to the house and lounged all day! Watched a couple of really good movies that night after my grandma cooked us a great dinner and then went to the reenactment on Sunday before heading home. It was a much more relaxing weekend than the one before but no less fun!
This last weekend however we stayed home. It was dreary, cold, and not very motivating. See we've been working out with our kids for the last few months to get into shape for summer and one of the things we've been doing is boxing. So this weekend we decided to put our new skills to the test and we set up a boxing area in our makeshift gym and put on the gloves! It was so much fun and painful at the same time! I'll put the links to the video on here if you're interested!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4CeQ9LbQGk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4CeQ9LbQGk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2nW-EW4o00&feature=youtube_gdata_player

So That was my first three weekends in March so I'm excited to see how the next one goes! What shall we do? Only time will tell!
Enjoy my pictures! :)

Heartach vs love

Its true what they say, the ones you love have the most power to hurt you. Especially, your children. As adults we have learned to somewhat sensor what comes out of our mouths. We may be spitting mad and dying to hurl that insult we know will hit the other person right where it hurts but because we are more grown up and our tempers are more fine tuned, we don't.  Children however, don't have that must control. This is my most recent heartache.

My boys were fighting. I heard them. They usually wrestle around on the bed until one of them starts screaming so this wasn't new. But tonight my youngest was screaming. Panicking, as I always do when I hear them carrying on this way, I run in there to see the oldest, (just turned 13) with the youngest (9) in a headlock with the youngest one struggling to get free. It was clear that he was more upset with being put in the headlock than actually hurt. So I yell at the oldest to let go, then I yell at the youngest to go to his room.

I follow the youngest because I know that no matter what something he did whether it be innocent or not, provoked his brother into this. So I follow as he stomps to his room. What did you do? I ask. He shrugs while crying. He is a sensitive boy. I almost hate confronting him because he gets his feelings hurt so easily but I knew that I had too. After not getting anywhere with him I tell him that he knows he cannot provoke his brother by acting silly or even hitting or punching him or talking back to him. The oldest is now 13 and he doesn't have much patience for his little brother.

Getting nowhere I go back into the oldest room. He is sitting on his bed with his arms crossed belligerent. I know he's spoiling for a fight. I can see it in his eyes. Usually my temper is just as bad as his. Not today though. Somehow I approached him calmly. "You know you are big enough you could really hurt your brother right." my son says, "I don't care! He shouldn't have been hitting me!" Which is true but I don't give in. "If he is hitting you then you should come tell me and let me deal with it!", yet we try to teach our kids not to be tattle tales, "Whatever!" he yells. "Your always sticking up for him." I try to explain that i wasn't sticking up for him. That the youngest got a talking too as well. But he doesn't hear it. Finally he yells" I hate you, I hate being at your house. And I hate that little punk in there!" pointing to his brothers room.

So instantly my heart shatters even though I know he doesn't mean it. Hes just mad and upset and wouldn't listen to reason. So instead of pushing the issue and arguing over it like I would have done in the past, I said "Okay, sorry you feel that way." And I backed out of the room and shut the door. the whole time my heart is beating a mile a minute and there are unshed tears in my eyes. I'm a sensitive soul too. My boys def get it from me.

So now is the hard part. I sit back and wait. Because see, despite all else, my kids do love me and each other and they, just like myself, cannot stand it when one of us is mad at the other. A little over an hour goes by but sure enough, the oldest comes out of his room and goes into the youngest room. I don't hear whats being said but I do know that they hugged because I saw that much. Minutes later they both exit the room and go to watch TV together in the oldest room. Even though they didn't approach me I know that when I walk into that room I'll be greeted with a smile and a hug.

See, even though it will happen again and again, maybe even tonight, I know that eventually it works itself out. In our family in the battle heartache vs love. Love wins every time!

FB ranting and raving...

I started this post sometime last month and apparently got side tracked and never came back to it. But... here it is. The way I felt one day in January. :)

Too many times in the last month I have seen people put on their status for their friends to stop posting this or Your jamming up my feed! REALLY?! We have so much control over what we do or don't see why in the world do I need to tell someone NOT to put something. If they do something I don't like I simply block the app, them, or wait, DELETE them! yes you have that option! So the next time I decide to post a video off Youtube, Im going to. The next time I want to copy and paste a chain status, I'm going to! And the next time I want to use status shuffle, Im going too! I'll share all the webpages and pictures I want and I'll not think twice about all the haters out there! Those same people post plenty of status I'd like to bash but its their page! So I don't.

Bumps in the road! Yours and Mine...

So I have many friends that I consider life long and great friends. I don't talk to them often. I hardly ever talk on the phone and lets face it, life gets in the way. Lets talk about life. Yes the long journey of life. See Life is a long road we take. We've all heard that. Sometimes we forget though, life is full of things tht slow us down or even stop us from time to time. Like curves, sharp ones, wide ones. Then we have bumps. Some jar us more than others. We are luck if those bumps don't cause us a flat. Those take even longer to recover from. Sometimes its a straight away were you can let the top down and feel the wind blowing in your hair. Those are the good times. A part of life we hold dear in our hearts forever. But lets face it, too many of us have more curves, turns, bumps, and road construction on our road than sometimes we feel we can deal with. These are the times we need those life long friends most. Problem is, maybe they don't know....




Sure theres always facebook. After all its a way of life right. But many of us refrain from putting too much personal drama online an focus on the good and humorous. (not all of us obviouslly though). So if we keep contact on facebook maybe I still don't know that you are at one of those curves or bumps. And maybe you dont know what kind of bump I just endured. ANd it very well may be those bumps that are keeping us from reaching out and asking for help! Problem is by the time we are ready we are already so angry that the other friend wasnt there we don't see that maybe that isn't exactly their fault. Maybe they didnt know just how rough your bump was or sharp your curve. or vice versa. Maybe they could say the same about you. Life, is our worst enemy and our greatest blessing.



I guess the point of my ramblings today is that even though i may not see you daily I'll be there for you. Not just when we can let the wind blow in our hair but to help you change that flat and navigate that curve. If I'm not there when you need me, reach out. Honk the horn. I'll come a running. And I'll try hard to remember to do the same when I need company during that slow ride through road construction.







~J~

A place of my own...

This is a story my youngest son wrote. He is 9 years old. How precious!

A Place of My Own


By Joshua Ray Brown



I’ve decided to have a place of my own. First, no one knows I go down there but I keep it my secret. I use the basement for a place of my own. I think it is very warm down there.

Next the walls in it are red. It is as big as my living room. It is a little stuffed down there. I play with my friends down there. After that we will watch tv. If I am in trouble I hide behind the tv or the couch. The only person that knows about it is my older brother. I told him not to tell anyone.

One time I slept down stairs. In the morning my mom was looking for me. I snuck upstairs so my mom could find me. She asked me where I was. I said I was sleeping under my bed. My brother knew where I was I just didn’t want to tell my mom.

One night my mom went to the basement when I was watching tv. My mom asked me what I was doing down here. I said “This is a place of my own.” My mom said is this where you’re at all the time? I said yes but you cannot tell anyone. She said okay I promise.

A year later I invited my whole family down there to have a party. They had a lot of fun. Since they found out it wasn’t a secret. So that is the end. P.S. Don’t tell your secret!

Mounting frustration on top of pain.

Pretty frustrated with my insurance company right now. Yes, I pay alot of money to them every week out of my measly pay check. When I need a test done I expect it to go by without a freakin hitch!
I'll back up from my rant right now to give you alittle background info.

12 days ago I hurt my arm. I had been working out and then went bowling, then worked out again. Not all at the same time. I worked out on a Thursday, went bowling on a Friday (felt over the weekend I had over used my arm) then on Monday worked out again. Every day after my shoulder/upper arm started hurting worse and worse. On day 10 I decided it was time to visit the doctor. She had me put my arm out and pushed on it. She did this in many diff positions. I guess by my reaction (which was face wrinkled in pain) she decided it would be beneficial to do an MRI for a torn rotary cuff. I am really hoping this was not what it is but it is best to check. That way I make sure to let it heal properly and do the proper strengthening exercises.
They got the MRI scheduled for Wednesday afternoon at 430. Which was two days away. Now starts my rant!
Tuesday afternoon I get a call from the nurse at my doctors office who informs me that she had been trying to get a pre certification from my insurance company for my MRI. She said because my doctor wasn't in their system yet that it would take two days to get her in. My appointment was the next afternoon. My nurse assured me that she would call me back the next morning, the morning of my appointment, and let me know where it stands. She asked for it to be rushed due to my appointment and they refused to budge. So that brings us to today. My nurse calls and says, okay, they got us set up! I'm like YES!  My shoulder is starting to feel better but I need to know how to go about letting it heal. BUT she says, and I immediate feel my blood start to boil, Now that we are set up they give themselves a full 24 hours to approve precert's. So, that being said, my MRI has now been scheduled for Friday afternoon. Two more days of wait. All the while I feel my arm stiffening up. UGH! I'm so irritated.That means that I won't find out what the results are till Monday! How freakin ridiculous! For the freakin amount of money I pay them every week I expect better freakin service than this! I'm going to stop now because from this point on my though process is digressing.

Stuck in between...

You know that mood you get into where nothing sounds good or fun? Thats where I am right now. I'm stuck in between happy and sad and bored and tired and energized and lazy and motivated. I want to work out, I just don't feel like it. It doesnt help that even though my shoulder is feeling better it still hurts. I want to read but every time I start I lose interest and stop that too. No TV show or movie sounds good. Eating has lost its appeal. (Yes I know, a serious delimma!) I could clean but the motivation and energy immediately sap when I start to get up. I've surfed the net enough to know nothing significant isn't going to change in the next five minutes and Im not tired enough to sleep. What to do what to do.....

Why I love My job.

Last month I was asked to write a memo to one of the new managers in our office about what I like about my job. Basically it was part of his training. He had to critique a memo from an employee. Not wanting him to be bored while critiquing my memo this is what I wrote...

Re: Why I LOVE my job!


Today I came into the office and observed the many scattered piles of papers on my desk. Then I remembered it was close out and realized that they would most likely be there yet another day.

That brings me to why I love my job. The mornings are hectic and any given day I feel like I’m being pulled in at least four different directions which keep my job fast paced and interesting. The problems that are brought to me are usually simple and as easy as moving a stop or manually completing a service but every once and a while I get one that really works the brain. That is what I love about my job. Working out the puzzle, fixing the payment, fixing the problem, making a very unhappy and unsatisfied customer smile.  Don’t tell anyone but I love it at the end of the month when we have way too many left over stops and I get to sort out who gets to do what to help out and finish out the month. When they are all complete and the work is done its like all the pieces fell right into place. Today, that happened and we hit our standard at 96.5 % complete for the month. My only regret is now that we have a service manager I wasn’t the one to separate the puzzle before it was put together. (I’ll let you handle it for now on though.)

Then, there is the team work. I love it when everyone pulls together and I feel a part of a team. I especially love it when everyone allows me to do part of their work just so I’ll feel important. It’s so important for me to be able to have my hand in EVERY aspect of the operations. I feel very privileged to be apart of that. Next time you need your papers faxed or your trash emptied or even your paper refilled in your printer please call me. I’d love to do it for you!

I was thinking of going on and on and on about why I love my job but decided I better not.  The main thing to remember is I LOVE MY JOB! Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

Hope you found the humor in it I did. Maybe you have to work here and know t he dynamics of the office to understand. But I thought I'd share it anyway.

The follow up...

Here is a little history for those who don't know the situation. In Jan 2007 my husband, Bob Jones, was admitted into the hospital with CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) after being told he had bronchitis for 3 months. They determined he had Cardiomyopathy, which is damaged muscle of the heart. Also an irregular heart heart beat. His problem was that his heart beats were too close together creating a dangerous rhythm that can cause heart attacks. To make a long story short after 7 days in the hospital and 4 months of meds his heart was functioning as good as new and removed off of all medicines.

Jump ahead to July 2010...

Bob was admitted the beginning of July for not only Heart Failure,but  A-Fib rhythm, and of all things a "Nasty" (as the ultrasound tech put it) Gall bladder. His heart had picked up an additional irregular beat as well as the original one and his heart was shimming instead of beating. So basically his heart had a function (injection fraction) of 10-18%, a very irregular beat in two chambers, AFib rhythm, and sporadic heart rate that would range anywhere from 50 beats to 180 beats a minute. (racing heart). During the hospital stay they removed his gall bladder (which resulted in a night in the ICU due to a reaction to the meds) and got him on 6 meds that seemed to be helping. Two heart function pills, (lisinopril, coreg), One rhythm med, (amniodrone), A blood thinner, (Cumadin), as well as a lasix and potassium pill. He takes these every day. In September they shocked his heart back into a normal rhythm. Bob as worried sick about it but afterwards he said it was painless. Sometimes it takes several tries to get it right but we got lucky and it went back on the first try.

Now... January 19, 2011... the follow up visit.

The week before the follow up Bob had an echo cardiogram done on his heart. Then when we got there they did an EKG. He's had both of these done so often its almost routine for us. They also took his blood pressure which has been running on the high side since his episode in July. (previously it ran very low). His heart rate was on the low side. Bob told the lady that the reason his blood pressure was always high because he was always nervous coming. He said every time he goes to the doctor he ends up in the hospital or with some expensive testing. She laughed and told him she hadn't put him in the hospital yet.

Our doctor(nurse practitioner or whatever her title was) asked all the usual questions which Bob answered honestly. No shortness of breath, of course I reminded him I always accuse him of panting. No shortness of energy, and of course I remind him he's gotten lazy. No fluttering in the chest which as far as I know is at least true.

The results of the EKG were good. The heart is still in a good rhythm and the extra beats they worry about are few and far between. A plus! The echo however showed that his heart function (injection fraction)  was still in the 40%;s, Which is what it was 3 months ago. Ideally they wanted this to go up. Normal is 65%. It was kinda a let down because we really expected this to be at least on the low side of normal by now. At least it didn't get worse. That's something to be thankful for. So we talked about what we could do to help it. 1. They want him to exercise. (Not that I haven't been telling him this for months) and maybe take off a few pounds. He is at 216. He isn't really overweight but shedding a few wont hurt him a bit! 2. Eating better. We don't eat totally unhealthy but we def don't follow a heart healthy diet either and Bob loves his salt. (which I try most of the time to keep hidden.)

We also discuss the meds. The amniodrone is the Rhythm pill. It's not meant to be a long term pill. Long term side effects include damage to the liver, thyroid and Lung function. It requires monitoring every six months. So we discuss alternatives. The only alternative to medicine is an ablasion inside the heart where the irregular beats are coming from. They go in through the groin and the neck with wires and burn inside the heart. It has a 60-75% success rate. We opted to stay with the meds for another 6 months and discuss again.
Because his rhythm was still good they agreed to let him stop taking the blood thinner. This thrilled him more than anything else. The blood thinner makes the cold feel so much colder and makes his small cuts bleed like a siv. I believe nothing they could have told him would have made him happier than this.  All other meds stayed the same.

So now all that was left was to get an order to have the blood work done to check his thyroid and liver. (lungs were being checked this summer). She left us and told us she'd be right back. I should have known that when she didn't come right back something was up. We waited, and waited, and waited. finally about 15 minutes later she comes in and looks at Bob with this pained expression on her face. "your gonna hate me" she says. I almost want to laugh. What now?! Is all I can think. "I ran into Dr. Rimawi (our cardiologist) in the hall way and asked me how you were doing. We sat down and talked about your progress and he is going to take a diff approach with you." At this point, I am ready to laugh. They change things so often. "We looked back in your chart and in 2007 the rhythm drug you took was called Sotalol. You had a good success rate on this drug at the time. We are going to put you back on this first. There are no long term side effects." So my first thought was Heck yea, this is great. Then I realized there was a catch. She went on. "See you cannot just be put on this medicine. You must be monitored for 2.5 days on it. so it requires a hospital stay." Right then, I looked at Bob in time to see his eyes pop and jaw drop! It was priceless. Yes, in order to be put on this new medicine that will be better for him in the long run and maybe will even help his heart function he has to spend 2.5 days in hospital. Then she kicks the man while he's down. "Also, because you have to be off the current rhythm medicine for a few weeks before we can switch you you'll have to stay on your blood thinner." BAM! She ruined his day, right there. Poor guy. He was so excited about getting off of it.  I think he was more down about it than the hospital stay. Not only for a few weeks but also while for a while to make sure the new rhythm pill works. Poor guy. Bob's next words cracked me up! "I told you every time I come here you put me in the damn hospital!"

Luckily we got to pick the 3 days of the week so we picked Friday - Sunday so we only missed one day of work. As of right now we are scheduled for Feb. 18-20. Guess my story ends for the moment but its def not over. Stay tuned to hear about our hospital stay! :)

Poem written for a loved one...

I never thought the day would come when I would see you go.


You were always there and if I needed an answer you would always know.

But know the day just drags on and I cant understand why.

But then I realized god too needed some one to lean on when he cried.

You were a wonderful woman never a negative thought.

Its not a wonder god took you away for he knew what he had caught.

Life without you will be hard but your memory will live on.

How could we forget a woman whos voice sang like a song.

Your spirit will always be here and we'll always love you so.

Just remember in time well join you, we will all in time too go.

another random poem!

There is something I need to say.


But I don't know that I should.

Im not even sure I'd know the way

to say it if I could.

This feeling for you is deep and strong.

I can't hold it back.

I've felt this way for so long.

This feeling for you I do not lack.

So I go back and forth today.

I can't make up my mind.

To say it or not to say

This thing I have inside.

My heart cries out to tell you.

My mind just tells me no.

That you would not feel the same too.

And off crying I would go.

I guess I'll keep it to myself.

My secret it will be.

I'll say it in a book and put it on a shelf.

And never let you see.

More Random Poetry

Love is not always enough to keep someone here.


Unfortunately it's going to happen, that thing that we all fear.

I know how much you loved her and how much for her you cared.

But just remember the happy times that you both have shared.

Remember that now she is peaceful, never to suffer again,

And that she will be looking down at you from heaven now and then.

And when you wake in the morning, she'll be there by your side.

And when your driving to work, she'll be along for the ride.

Life will be different but she'd want you to go on.

Just because you can't see her does not mean she is gone.

Some Random Poetry I wrote years ago...

Sitting alone in a small dark room.


I sit and I dream and I suddenly assume

this is my coffin, the place I'll rest

when I pass away and join the best.

Afraid of dying I am not

but afraid of being alone, afraid I'll rot.

Will anyone find me lost in my dream.

I've sat here forever at least it seems.

I think to myself, will it ever be the same,

Or am I in a never ending game.

One where your thoughts don't seem to end.

And where no one else is there to attend.

I sit and I stare at the flat, dark wall

and wonder if I will ever at all

get out of this room, wake up from this dream.

Or is it a dream, I suddenly scream.

I sit up in bed, I'm alive I assume.

Afraid to sleep, because my dream will resume.

Another project.... Maybe!

I've been toying with an idea to write again. I know. I have enough on my plate. Kids, Photography, Husband. I've talked about taking a few Photography classes but I never seem to take that step. But one thing I know is writing.
I was wanting to write a book kinda along the lines of Kristin Hannah. Woman's reading. A little romance, A little drama, A lot of heart. That's what I want. I want you to be able to laugh and cry and not be able to put it down.
I was having a conversation with my sister today and a few life decisions and it hit me. I want to write a book about the way I was feeling right that minute. I want to write a book about two sisters. Sisters whose bond is so deep. A bond like I have with my sister.
So I told her. Immediately shes agreeable. She's not a big writer but has tons of ideas. She is looking to have fun though. I love comedies. Funny stories are great but I want this one to hit home and truthfully, neither of our lives are funny. At all!
Then there is the issue, do i write about real life? DO I make it completely fiction? Do I use real life as a guideline? There are so many questions. I guess we'll get together soon and discuss them. See the problem with real life is there is alot of situations that would make my book what i want that the other people involved may not want written. Even if I call it fiction, those who know us will know. And lets face it, only people who know us will read it.
Well, stay tuned to what we decide. Either way we go, it'll be a great read!