A place of my own...

This is a story my youngest son wrote. He is 9 years old. How precious!

A Place of My Own


By Joshua Ray Brown



I’ve decided to have a place of my own. First, no one knows I go down there but I keep it my secret. I use the basement for a place of my own. I think it is very warm down there.

Next the walls in it are red. It is as big as my living room. It is a little stuffed down there. I play with my friends down there. After that we will watch tv. If I am in trouble I hide behind the tv or the couch. The only person that knows about it is my older brother. I told him not to tell anyone.

One time I slept down stairs. In the morning my mom was looking for me. I snuck upstairs so my mom could find me. She asked me where I was. I said I was sleeping under my bed. My brother knew where I was I just didn’t want to tell my mom.

One night my mom went to the basement when I was watching tv. My mom asked me what I was doing down here. I said “This is a place of my own.” My mom said is this where you’re at all the time? I said yes but you cannot tell anyone. She said okay I promise.

A year later I invited my whole family down there to have a party. They had a lot of fun. Since they found out it wasn’t a secret. So that is the end. P.S. Don’t tell your secret!

Mounting frustration on top of pain.

Pretty frustrated with my insurance company right now. Yes, I pay alot of money to them every week out of my measly pay check. When I need a test done I expect it to go by without a freakin hitch!
I'll back up from my rant right now to give you alittle background info.

12 days ago I hurt my arm. I had been working out and then went bowling, then worked out again. Not all at the same time. I worked out on a Thursday, went bowling on a Friday (felt over the weekend I had over used my arm) then on Monday worked out again. Every day after my shoulder/upper arm started hurting worse and worse. On day 10 I decided it was time to visit the doctor. She had me put my arm out and pushed on it. She did this in many diff positions. I guess by my reaction (which was face wrinkled in pain) she decided it would be beneficial to do an MRI for a torn rotary cuff. I am really hoping this was not what it is but it is best to check. That way I make sure to let it heal properly and do the proper strengthening exercises.
They got the MRI scheduled for Wednesday afternoon at 430. Which was two days away. Now starts my rant!
Tuesday afternoon I get a call from the nurse at my doctors office who informs me that she had been trying to get a pre certification from my insurance company for my MRI. She said because my doctor wasn't in their system yet that it would take two days to get her in. My appointment was the next afternoon. My nurse assured me that she would call me back the next morning, the morning of my appointment, and let me know where it stands. She asked for it to be rushed due to my appointment and they refused to budge. So that brings us to today. My nurse calls and says, okay, they got us set up! I'm like YES!  My shoulder is starting to feel better but I need to know how to go about letting it heal. BUT she says, and I immediate feel my blood start to boil, Now that we are set up they give themselves a full 24 hours to approve precert's. So, that being said, my MRI has now been scheduled for Friday afternoon. Two more days of wait. All the while I feel my arm stiffening up. UGH! I'm so irritated.That means that I won't find out what the results are till Monday! How freakin ridiculous! For the freakin amount of money I pay them every week I expect better freakin service than this! I'm going to stop now because from this point on my though process is digressing.

Stuck in between...

You know that mood you get into where nothing sounds good or fun? Thats where I am right now. I'm stuck in between happy and sad and bored and tired and energized and lazy and motivated. I want to work out, I just don't feel like it. It doesnt help that even though my shoulder is feeling better it still hurts. I want to read but every time I start I lose interest and stop that too. No TV show or movie sounds good. Eating has lost its appeal. (Yes I know, a serious delimma!) I could clean but the motivation and energy immediately sap when I start to get up. I've surfed the net enough to know nothing significant isn't going to change in the next five minutes and Im not tired enough to sleep. What to do what to do.....

Why I love My job.

Last month I was asked to write a memo to one of the new managers in our office about what I like about my job. Basically it was part of his training. He had to critique a memo from an employee. Not wanting him to be bored while critiquing my memo this is what I wrote...

Re: Why I LOVE my job!


Today I came into the office and observed the many scattered piles of papers on my desk. Then I remembered it was close out and realized that they would most likely be there yet another day.

That brings me to why I love my job. The mornings are hectic and any given day I feel like I’m being pulled in at least four different directions which keep my job fast paced and interesting. The problems that are brought to me are usually simple and as easy as moving a stop or manually completing a service but every once and a while I get one that really works the brain. That is what I love about my job. Working out the puzzle, fixing the payment, fixing the problem, making a very unhappy and unsatisfied customer smile.  Don’t tell anyone but I love it at the end of the month when we have way too many left over stops and I get to sort out who gets to do what to help out and finish out the month. When they are all complete and the work is done its like all the pieces fell right into place. Today, that happened and we hit our standard at 96.5 % complete for the month. My only regret is now that we have a service manager I wasn’t the one to separate the puzzle before it was put together. (I’ll let you handle it for now on though.)

Then, there is the team work. I love it when everyone pulls together and I feel a part of a team. I especially love it when everyone allows me to do part of their work just so I’ll feel important. It’s so important for me to be able to have my hand in EVERY aspect of the operations. I feel very privileged to be apart of that. Next time you need your papers faxed or your trash emptied or even your paper refilled in your printer please call me. I’d love to do it for you!

I was thinking of going on and on and on about why I love my job but decided I better not.  The main thing to remember is I LOVE MY JOB! Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

Hope you found the humor in it I did. Maybe you have to work here and know t he dynamics of the office to understand. But I thought I'd share it anyway.

The follow up...

Here is a little history for those who don't know the situation. In Jan 2007 my husband, Bob Jones, was admitted into the hospital with CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) after being told he had bronchitis for 3 months. They determined he had Cardiomyopathy, which is damaged muscle of the heart. Also an irregular heart heart beat. His problem was that his heart beats were too close together creating a dangerous rhythm that can cause heart attacks. To make a long story short after 7 days in the hospital and 4 months of meds his heart was functioning as good as new and removed off of all medicines.

Jump ahead to July 2010...

Bob was admitted the beginning of July for not only Heart Failure,but  A-Fib rhythm, and of all things a "Nasty" (as the ultrasound tech put it) Gall bladder. His heart had picked up an additional irregular beat as well as the original one and his heart was shimming instead of beating. So basically his heart had a function (injection fraction) of 10-18%, a very irregular beat in two chambers, AFib rhythm, and sporadic heart rate that would range anywhere from 50 beats to 180 beats a minute. (racing heart). During the hospital stay they removed his gall bladder (which resulted in a night in the ICU due to a reaction to the meds) and got him on 6 meds that seemed to be helping. Two heart function pills, (lisinopril, coreg), One rhythm med, (amniodrone), A blood thinner, (Cumadin), as well as a lasix and potassium pill. He takes these every day. In September they shocked his heart back into a normal rhythm. Bob as worried sick about it but afterwards he said it was painless. Sometimes it takes several tries to get it right but we got lucky and it went back on the first try.

Now... January 19, 2011... the follow up visit.

The week before the follow up Bob had an echo cardiogram done on his heart. Then when we got there they did an EKG. He's had both of these done so often its almost routine for us. They also took his blood pressure which has been running on the high side since his episode in July. (previously it ran very low). His heart rate was on the low side. Bob told the lady that the reason his blood pressure was always high because he was always nervous coming. He said every time he goes to the doctor he ends up in the hospital or with some expensive testing. She laughed and told him she hadn't put him in the hospital yet.

Our doctor(nurse practitioner or whatever her title was) asked all the usual questions which Bob answered honestly. No shortness of breath, of course I reminded him I always accuse him of panting. No shortness of energy, and of course I remind him he's gotten lazy. No fluttering in the chest which as far as I know is at least true.

The results of the EKG were good. The heart is still in a good rhythm and the extra beats they worry about are few and far between. A plus! The echo however showed that his heart function (injection fraction)  was still in the 40%;s, Which is what it was 3 months ago. Ideally they wanted this to go up. Normal is 65%. It was kinda a let down because we really expected this to be at least on the low side of normal by now. At least it didn't get worse. That's something to be thankful for. So we talked about what we could do to help it. 1. They want him to exercise. (Not that I haven't been telling him this for months) and maybe take off a few pounds. He is at 216. He isn't really overweight but shedding a few wont hurt him a bit! 2. Eating better. We don't eat totally unhealthy but we def don't follow a heart healthy diet either and Bob loves his salt. (which I try most of the time to keep hidden.)

We also discuss the meds. The amniodrone is the Rhythm pill. It's not meant to be a long term pill. Long term side effects include damage to the liver, thyroid and Lung function. It requires monitoring every six months. So we discuss alternatives. The only alternative to medicine is an ablasion inside the heart where the irregular beats are coming from. They go in through the groin and the neck with wires and burn inside the heart. It has a 60-75% success rate. We opted to stay with the meds for another 6 months and discuss again.
Because his rhythm was still good they agreed to let him stop taking the blood thinner. This thrilled him more than anything else. The blood thinner makes the cold feel so much colder and makes his small cuts bleed like a siv. I believe nothing they could have told him would have made him happier than this.  All other meds stayed the same.

So now all that was left was to get an order to have the blood work done to check his thyroid and liver. (lungs were being checked this summer). She left us and told us she'd be right back. I should have known that when she didn't come right back something was up. We waited, and waited, and waited. finally about 15 minutes later she comes in and looks at Bob with this pained expression on her face. "your gonna hate me" she says. I almost want to laugh. What now?! Is all I can think. "I ran into Dr. Rimawi (our cardiologist) in the hall way and asked me how you were doing. We sat down and talked about your progress and he is going to take a diff approach with you." At this point, I am ready to laugh. They change things so often. "We looked back in your chart and in 2007 the rhythm drug you took was called Sotalol. You had a good success rate on this drug at the time. We are going to put you back on this first. There are no long term side effects." So my first thought was Heck yea, this is great. Then I realized there was a catch. She went on. "See you cannot just be put on this medicine. You must be monitored for 2.5 days on it. so it requires a hospital stay." Right then, I looked at Bob in time to see his eyes pop and jaw drop! It was priceless. Yes, in order to be put on this new medicine that will be better for him in the long run and maybe will even help his heart function he has to spend 2.5 days in hospital. Then she kicks the man while he's down. "Also, because you have to be off the current rhythm medicine for a few weeks before we can switch you you'll have to stay on your blood thinner." BAM! She ruined his day, right there. Poor guy. He was so excited about getting off of it.  I think he was more down about it than the hospital stay. Not only for a few weeks but also while for a while to make sure the new rhythm pill works. Poor guy. Bob's next words cracked me up! "I told you every time I come here you put me in the damn hospital!"

Luckily we got to pick the 3 days of the week so we picked Friday - Sunday so we only missed one day of work. As of right now we are scheduled for Feb. 18-20. Guess my story ends for the moment but its def not over. Stay tuned to hear about our hospital stay! :)

Poem written for a loved one...

I never thought the day would come when I would see you go.


You were always there and if I needed an answer you would always know.

But know the day just drags on and I cant understand why.

But then I realized god too needed some one to lean on when he cried.

You were a wonderful woman never a negative thought.

Its not a wonder god took you away for he knew what he had caught.

Life without you will be hard but your memory will live on.

How could we forget a woman whos voice sang like a song.

Your spirit will always be here and we'll always love you so.

Just remember in time well join you, we will all in time too go.

another random poem!

There is something I need to say.


But I don't know that I should.

Im not even sure I'd know the way

to say it if I could.

This feeling for you is deep and strong.

I can't hold it back.

I've felt this way for so long.

This feeling for you I do not lack.

So I go back and forth today.

I can't make up my mind.

To say it or not to say

This thing I have inside.

My heart cries out to tell you.

My mind just tells me no.

That you would not feel the same too.

And off crying I would go.

I guess I'll keep it to myself.

My secret it will be.

I'll say it in a book and put it on a shelf.

And never let you see.

More Random Poetry

Love is not always enough to keep someone here.


Unfortunately it's going to happen, that thing that we all fear.

I know how much you loved her and how much for her you cared.

But just remember the happy times that you both have shared.

Remember that now she is peaceful, never to suffer again,

And that she will be looking down at you from heaven now and then.

And when you wake in the morning, she'll be there by your side.

And when your driving to work, she'll be along for the ride.

Life will be different but she'd want you to go on.

Just because you can't see her does not mean she is gone.

Some Random Poetry I wrote years ago...

Sitting alone in a small dark room.


I sit and I dream and I suddenly assume

this is my coffin, the place I'll rest

when I pass away and join the best.

Afraid of dying I am not

but afraid of being alone, afraid I'll rot.

Will anyone find me lost in my dream.

I've sat here forever at least it seems.

I think to myself, will it ever be the same,

Or am I in a never ending game.

One where your thoughts don't seem to end.

And where no one else is there to attend.

I sit and I stare at the flat, dark wall

and wonder if I will ever at all

get out of this room, wake up from this dream.

Or is it a dream, I suddenly scream.

I sit up in bed, I'm alive I assume.

Afraid to sleep, because my dream will resume.

Another project.... Maybe!

I've been toying with an idea to write again. I know. I have enough on my plate. Kids, Photography, Husband. I've talked about taking a few Photography classes but I never seem to take that step. But one thing I know is writing.
I was wanting to write a book kinda along the lines of Kristin Hannah. Woman's reading. A little romance, A little drama, A lot of heart. That's what I want. I want you to be able to laugh and cry and not be able to put it down.
I was having a conversation with my sister today and a few life decisions and it hit me. I want to write a book about the way I was feeling right that minute. I want to write a book about two sisters. Sisters whose bond is so deep. A bond like I have with my sister.
So I told her. Immediately shes agreeable. She's not a big writer but has tons of ideas. She is looking to have fun though. I love comedies. Funny stories are great but I want this one to hit home and truthfully, neither of our lives are funny. At all!
Then there is the issue, do i write about real life? DO I make it completely fiction? Do I use real life as a guideline? There are so many questions. I guess we'll get together soon and discuss them. See the problem with real life is there is alot of situations that would make my book what i want that the other people involved may not want written. Even if I call it fiction, those who know us will know. And lets face it, only people who know us will read it.
Well, stay tuned to what we decide. Either way we go, it'll be a great read!