My body may be lean but my mind is still fat!

Next month will be one year since I started on my journey to a healthier and skinnier me. My expectations have been blown out of the water. I never imagined I would feel as good about myself as I do now.
Let me give you some background. I was skinny my whole childhood. I was one of the lucky ones who didnt watch what they ate. Although I always preferred veggies over sweets, calorie counting and exercising never crossed my mind.  I was active. I played basketball and marched in the marching band. Anyone who has been in the marching band knows its alot of walking and long days on hot asphalt parking lots practicing. Anyway, long story short, at my high school graduation I was 105 lbs and wore a size 4/5. That  was the norm for me. Then my whole life changed.
 Right out of high school I got pregant with my oldest son. Don't regret that for a minute. I love being young while my kids are growing up.  But with the pregnancy came complications and bed rest for quite some time. I was sick constantly and held nothing down. All of a sudden i was no longer active, sometimes no longer movign much. And by the time I had my son, I weighed 130 lbs. Not bad right. I can handle this. Put on 25 lbs during pregnancy. But guess what, it never went away. Then it built from there. By the time I decided it as time to do something I was 160 lbs. (Thats after another child and 12 years).
About 4 years ago went on a 1000 calorie diet and walked all the time. I was able to drop 30 of those lbs. That took me to 130lbs. But then in the next 3 years I put 15 of those lbs back on. Last Year around the end of November while everyone was talking about pigging out over the holdiays and then starting fresh for the new year I decided I wasn't waiting. So the last week of November, the week of Thanksgiving, I started my journey. And I didnt do it alone. I took my whole family, husband and kids along for the ride. I believe they would all thank me today if they thought about it. But I know they are thankful they all look good! :)
I've told my story how it started, riding a stationary bike, jumping jacks, boxing, push ups, sit ups, walking. Then it evolved to fit club in march and their workouts and P90X. i'm not here to tell you how I got to where I am. I'm here to tell you how I feel now.
 Okay,  background complete. Now for today.
I am small than I have ever  been and I did it the healthy way. People do not realize how much time has gone b y since I started my journey and they ask me, Wow, Size 14 to a size 2. Thats awesome. How long did that take? And when I say almost a year, they frown. It didn't seem that long to them and hey, they expect instant results. I know better. I've worked my butt literally off in the last year and plan on continuing it to stay in shape!  I love the way I look and feel that is enough to keep me on the right track.
However, I don't always remember I'm fit now. You may wonder how that is possible. Expecially if you've been smaller your whole life. I still have days I wont put on that form fitting shirt because I feel my fat rolls are hanging out. I still go for the baggy pants over the slimming and skinny jeans. I still feel big in those too. Just because my body has made the adjustment doesnt mean my mind has. I have many moments of insecurity about my figure.  Yes my whole childhood i was skinny but my whole adult life, (13 years) I was overweight!
I have not bought any new clothes this last year until recently. I would wear my size 14 pants and tighten a belt around them. most of my shirts are too big. I've recently started collecting some new tee shirts and that was my extent of new clothes. A few weeks ago I decided I was tired of wearing pants that were too big. I went to buy me a new pair. I automatically went for the bigger sizes. I tried on a 5/6 first. Too big. Wow, i was happy. then i tried on a 4. Still too big. What?!?!?! I tried on a size 2. They were even a little loose in the waist but that was as low as I could go. The size zero didnt around my hips. :) So I was shocked. I could wear a size 2. Are you kidding! Even in high school I didnt wear a size two. I rode that thrill for a while.
Then Monday night at fit club a friend took my body fat measurements. She then texted me later the results. 15.4% body fat! I was considered lean! My second suprise thrill for the month. Wow! I was actually lean! Even though there are some days I look in the mirror and still see a size 14. I'm not. And eventually I will make myself understand that. But it takes time.
Point of the story, when someone who has recently or maybe even not so recently acts suprised or thrilled or shocked over how little they are, realize that maybe they aren't seeing what you are seeing. Don't be so quick to judge them and think oh they just want attention or they are showing off. Because most of the time we are oblivious to how they really look. The mind is a funny thing.
I've posted a picture of myself in Jan 2011 (that was after we worked out 3 months) next to myself last month. It really shows how far I've come just this year. I wish I still had my picture from when i started in Nov. But I have lost it somehow.
 I hope that my story and my success will motivate everyone who reads this. Its pretty simple. Decide. Committ. Suceed.
It is true what they say though, it starts in the kitchen. Don't just eat low calories. Eat the calories that are good for your body.

 J.

It's all about your mindset!

So many of my friends would say "Oh your on a diet" or "I bet you can't eat that on your diet" or "Can you tell me how your diet works?" Well guess what folks. My answer every time. "Im not on a diet." When they look perplexed I further inform them. "its not a diet. Its just the way I prefer to eat. Healthy, Clean. It's not that I can't have it. It's that I don't want it"
See most people start out trying to lose weight and get fit by trying to "diet". That right  there will almost Guarantee failure. Why? Because haven't you ever heard that what we can't have is what we want most? 
 So how do you go from can't having it to not wanting it? Well, I'll admit, at first it was def can't for me. I told myself, you can't have that. I did want it more. So what I started doing was eating healthy and clean 6 days a week and on my 7th day I'd give myself a treat. one of my favorite meals that isn't on the Clean menu. Only I cut my portion in half.  After my very first what we'll call "cheat" meal, I felt so guilty that I didnt have another one for 3 weeks. I also learned that most of the time I would crave things because I forbid myself to have them. If I gave in an ate one bite, I'd realize i didnt really want it after all.
The point is not to give in to every craving. The point is change the way you think about your eating habit. If you think of it as a diet and I can't have this, you'll want it. Trying telling yourself it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle and the way I CHOOSE to eat. When you get that craving instead of letting your mind say, "Well, I can't have that because it's not in my diet" think "I could probably have a bite and be fine and I may even decide I don't want it anymore. But if I do eat that foot that isn't healthy and clean, how will it help me? How will I feel afterwards." Don't forbid yourself to have something but tell yourself again why it's not a good choice.
What are your goals? To get fit? To lose weight? to just be healthy?  Think of the hardwork you put into your daily exercise. How closely you monitor your calorie intake and burn. Is it really worth seeing those numbers skewed just to have that bite of chocolate bar? Or piece of pizza? Depends on how bad you want your results. Depends on how bad you want to get fit, stay fit, and meet your goals.
It's all in how you think about it? Do you have to? or do you want?
Me, I want to. That keeps me on track! 

My Path

 Hey guys! About six month ago I decided it was time for a lifestyle change. My clothes were tight. My families clothes were all getting too tight. In late November as a family we started exercising 3 nights a week and we've all made remarkable progress on our journey! If you've seen my family recently you know what I'm talking about. Now we've all gone our seperate way in exercising doing what we have found works best for us but we are all still at it! That being said I want to tell you about my path.




We all started out working on our cardio with runnig in place, jumping jacks, riding a bicycle (stationary in the winter), then with push ups, sit ups, and most importantly light weights. We also trained in Boxing. We have a heavy bag so learned the basics of boxing and had some fun beating the crap out of each other. That right there is an awesome work out!



But after 5 months and losing several pant sizes I felt like I personally needed something more. About a month ago I got hooked up with this group that meets on Monday nights and do popular workout videos. They have helped me out so much and really made me push to make the difference. I've gone from wearing size 12 pants to a size 6 and a size xl shirt to size M.



Team Beachbody has made a real difference in the way I look at working out. I no long look at it as something I have to do to look good. I look at it as something I want to do to feel healthy. I've learned that it begins in the kitchen and hope that slowly I'll learn what is good food and what is not. Sometimes the packaging can be deceiving.



So as of today, thanks to a good friends Birthday present to me, I've become a coach for Team Beachbody. That doesnt mean I am an expert in fitness and nutrition. That means I'm committed to helping myself and at the same time helping anyone who may want help to work towards a more active and healthy lifestyle. Check out my website and feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like to join me in my journey to looking and feeling great! Even if it's just suggesting workouts or helping you work even a short workout into your day. I have a whole group of coaches guiding me so if I can't help I know someone who can.



www.beachbodycoach.com/jennyljones



Also, I'd like to invite anyone who is interested in joining me on Monday nights at 6:30 for a free workout! Try out all the popular workouts like p90X, Rev Abs, Turbo Fire, and many more!



Thanks for taking a minute to read this.



Jenny

The juggling act....

Something I've gotten real good at, or maybe I'm not good at it at all and I'm just getting by is the juggling act of my life. As of this moment I have so many projects, priorities, or simply things going on I'm really not sure where to start or even finish.

Act one- First and foremost which should be and is my most important is my family. My husband who puts up with all my quirky creative projects, desire to work out, and intense concentration and afternoons lost on photo shoots and editing. None of those things, with the exception of lifting weights interest him but he makes a great effort to pretend like they do. So, in turn, I make a great effort into making sure he knows I appreciate it and mostly him. Although we probably don't do as many things as he wants as opposed to what I want we do them together and that is exactly what counts. There are so many reasons why I love him and this is just one of them. 

Then there are my kids. All five of them! Yes Five! Two are my biological sons and the other three are my step children but anyone who knows the family knows you can't tell where one part of the blended family ends and the other begins. I've tried to pull my kids into working out with me and for months it worked. It def got us through the dreary winter months when it was way too cold to go outside and play. Now that its sunny and warm though I can not get them to stay home long enough to do much! That's okay, all I want is for them to be happy and they seem like they are. So my oldest step daughter, Lindsay, works out with me all the time. I cherish the time we have together.  I will never replace her mother, or her grandmother since that is who raised her mostly, but she knows I am always there for her in any way she wants. Friend, mother, confidant. Us girls, we gotta stick together. Then there is my oldest boy Jimmy. He worked out alot with us too until lately. Now all the kids are finding their own  things to do and don't have enough time for mom. Of course that doesn't mean I don't make time for them. That's where the juggling act comes in. Little act they will remember. I play basketball with them. Relax in the front yard with them. Listen to their stories and console them when their feelings are hurt.  So many little moments make up our life that I can not possible tell or remember every one. I just know that when it comes to the juggling act, they get priority.

Act two- Work! Yep, I have a full time job. Luckily for me, my job is the Monday through Friday 7am to 4pm kind so there usually isn't any overflow or take home work. I get up early, which i desperately hate, go to work, put in my hours, then get off work to begin the other part of my life. This part is pretty straight forward and clear cut. Between the hours of 7-4 I belong to this large corporation.

Act Three- Picture me this.... A few years ago I started taking photographs and friends and family urged me to expand so now, I take pictures for money. Not alot of money and not alot of pictures but enough to make me happy. What I love about my venture with pictures is that I have the same clients that come to me over and over again. So I get to see kids grow, families grow, and smiles bloom. Sometimes summer can be very hectic! I cannot keep myself from pushing that little round shutter button on my camera so I usually end up with way more pictures than I originally told myself I would take. Ask any one of my clients, they'll tell you. But as hectic as it is to schedule a photo shoot into my already bulging schedule the real hard part is finding the time to sit down and edit the pictures afterwards.

Alot of people have no clue the time and energy that is put into their glorious pictures after the shoot. It's not just a point and shoot type of job. No, almost every professional pictures goes through a photo shop editing program before anyone other than the photographer sets eyes on it. You can spend anywhere from two minute, if only the basic lighting, contrast, sharpness, editing is needed to a full 10 minutes or more if you do more fancy editing or heavy editing is needed on each picture. Then you review and make adjustments and I'll just tell you that its time consuming and most photographers log hours editing after a shoot. So basically, I fit this into my schedule either on my lunch hour or late at night. usually after 9pm on a work night before I get any editing done.

Act Four- Burning fat! I've got that body type and metabolism that if I stay active and eat right I can keep the kind of body I want. But once I go inactive and slack on the healthy eating, I pack on the pounds and usually right around the middle! Its like an inner tube around my lower tummy that will NEVER deflate no matter how many holes I poke in it! So 6 months ago, End of November, I decided that I was gonna pop that tube once and for all and by Memorial day weekend, which is also my 33rd birthday weekend, was going to look great in a bikini. So for 3-5 days a week I have spend 1-3 hours sweating, hurting, and sometimes crying just to meet this goal. Now sadly, with my personal deadline just a tad over two weeks away I can say I'm not going to be where I want to be. However the progress I've made is awesome and I know since I've taken the time to do it right, it'll be lasting and not some freak weight loss. So I'll continue my workout program and maybe by my vacation at the end of June I'll be where I want to be.

So on Monday nights I work out with a group called Monday Nite fit club. They do great workouts. P90x, Turbo Fire, Insanity workouts and many more. I have to wonder if I had starting with them sooner would I have made my goal. I usually take Tuesdays off. On Wed and Thursdays I do zumba at Heidi Garza's Dance studio. I love it. Its a great fun way to work out. Then I usually lift weights one or both days. I take Friday off and then do something on Saturday and Sunday like riding bikes, workout videos, walking, jogging. I try to do it 5 days a week but sometimes I only make it 4 days. Every little bit helps!

Act Five- I am seriously addicted to reading. I read every minute I have free. I have books in my van, I have books on my phone and on my computer. By my bed, by my couch. Just about anywhere I can find a book. Because someone asked me once how many books I've read and I couldn't answer them, I've decided to keep track this year. As of Jan first I started to keep a book log. (Check out my last blog post for details). So far, I've read 47. My goal is to have read 100 by end of year. With summer coming on that is going to be a long shot since I stay pretty busy then but we'll see how it works out!

Act six- Sometimes I sit down and start typing and later I'll read the words on the paper and say, hey where did that come from? I'm an impulsive writer. I love to write although in the last 5 years my creativity was pretty much geared towards photography I feel the urge to write coming back. (can you tell?) So when a good friend of mine, Mr Neil Brown himself, asked if I would like to collaborate on a book idea I jumped at it. And now we've started it and I'm anxious to get to typing. so you can add this into my juggling act as well.

So as of right now I've got six balls juggling in the air. Sometimes I drop one and it'll sit there for a bit before I can pick it back up but I always pick it back up. After all, this is one juggling act I don't wanna miss!

My 2011 Book Log

Anyone that knows me knows that reading is an obsession with me. So I've been keeping a running list of books I've read since Jan. 1, 2011. I'll update this list as I finish books. So far this year I've stuck with light womens fiction. Wonder how that will change as the year progresses.


1. The Sooner the Better by Debbie Macomber
2. Sooner or Later by Debbie Macomber
3. Someday soon by Debbie Macomber
4. The Shop on Blossom St. by Debbie Macomber
5. A Good Yarn By Debbie Macomber
6. Back to Blossom St. by Debbie Macomber
7. Summer on Blossom St by Debbie Macomber
8. Kiss me if you can by Carly Phillips
9. The Back up plan by Sherryl Woods
10. Flirting with Disaster by Sherryl Woods
11. Waking up in Charleston by Sherryl Woods
12. Stealing Home by Sherryl Woods
13. A Slice of Heaven by Sherryl Woods
14. Feels Like Family by Sherryl Woods
15.Welcome to Serenity by Sherryl Woods
16. Home in Carolina by Sherryl Woods
17. Sweet Tea at Sunrise by Sherryl Woods
18. Honeysuckle summer by Sherryl Woods
19. About that Man by Sherryl Woods
20. Ask Anyone by Sherryl Woods
21. Along Came Trouble by Sherryl Woods
22. Glory Glory by Linda Lael Miller
23. The INN at Eagle Point by Sherryl Woods
24. Flowers on Main by Sherryl Woods
25. Harbor Lights by Sherryl Woods
26. Seaview Inn by Sherryl Woods
27. A Chesapeake Shores Christmas by Sherryl Woods
28. Diary of a Mad Fat girl by Stephanie McAfee
29. Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin
30. Miranda's biggest Mistake by Jill Mansell
31. Driftwood Cottage by Sherryl Woods
32. Breaking the Rules by Suzanne Brockmann
33. Underfoot by Leanne Banks
34. Sunset Bay by Susan Mallery
35. Love is Murder by Allison Brennan
36. Already home by Susan Mallery
37. My one and only by Kristan Higgins
38. Aftershock by Jill Shalvis
39. Fast Women by Jennifer Cruise
40. Chasing Fire by Nora Roberts
41. Night Road by Kristin Hannah
42. The Peach Keeper by Sarah Addison Allen
43. Almost like being in love by Christina Dodd
44. Just for Kicks by Susan Andersen
45. Moonlite Cove by Sherryl Woods
46. Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris
47. 10th Amendment -Womens Murder Club, James Patterson
48.The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson
49. Southern Comfort by Fern Michaels
50. Beach Lane by Sherryl WOODS
51. Exclusively Yours by Shannon Stacey
52. Undeniably Yours by Shannon Stacey
53. Yours to Keep by Shannon Stacey
54. Baby, Drive South by Stephanie Bond
55. The Homecoming by Joann Ross
56. Big Girl by Danielle Steele
57. Baby Come Home by Stephanie Bond
58. One Summer by Joann Ross
59. Forever Again by Shannon Stacey
60. Sister of the Bride by Susan Mallery
61. Don't Say a Word by Barbara Freethy
62 Go for No by Richard Fenton & Andrea Waltz (short self help book)
63. Tough Customer by Sandra Brown
64. Silent Run by Barbara Freethy
65. Mood Called by Patrcia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 1)
66. Blood Bound by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 2)
67. Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 3)
68. Bone Crossed by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 4)
69. Playing Dirty by Susan Andersen
70. Only Mine by Susan Mallery
71. Silver Borne by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 5)
72. River Marked  by Patricia Briggs (Mercedes Thompson Series 6)
73. Split Second by Catherine Coulter
74. The 7th Victim by Alan Jacobson
75. Crush by Alan Jacobson
76. Secrets of Bella Terra by Christina Dodd
78. Guilty Pleasures by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 1)
79. Velocity by Alan Jacobson
80. Only Yours by Susan Mallery
81. The Laughing Corpse by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 2)
82. Storms of Visions by Christina Dodd
83. Revenge of Belle Terra by Christina Dodd
84. The Ideal Man by Julie Garwood
85. Circus of the Damned by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 3)
86. The Mercenary by Cherry Adair (T Flac series 1)
87. The Lunatic Cafe by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 4)
88. Kiss and Tell by Cherry Adair (T Flac Series 2)
89. Bloody Bones by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 5)
90. The Abduction by John Grisham
91. Prey by Linda Howard
92. Only His by Susan Mallery
93. Burnt Offerings by Laurel Hamilton (/Anita Blake Series 7)
94. The Killing Dance by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 6)
95. Coming Home by Mariah Stewart (Chesapeake Diaries 1)
96. Blue Moon by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 8)
97. Home Again by Mariah Stewart (Chesapeake Diaries 2)
98. Obsidian Butterfly by Laurel Hamilton (Anita Blake Series 9)
99. Almost Home by Mariah Stewart (chesapeake Diaries 3)
100. The Hunger Pains by Suzanne Collins (The Hunger Games Series Book 1)
101.The Next Always by Nora Roberts
102. Chasing Fire by Suzanne collins (The Hunger Games Series Book 2)
103. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (The Hunger Games Series book 3)
104. Eat that Frog  by Brian Tracy
105.  Good to Great by Jim Collins
106.  Hogans Law by Kay Hooper
107. Heat Wave by Richard Castle
108. Naked Heat by Richard Castle
109. Raven on a wing by Kay Hooper
110. Heat Rises by Richard Castle
111. Baby don't go, by Stephanie Bond
112. Magic Bites by Iiona Andrews
113. At home by the sea by Christina Skye
114. Hometown Girl by Mariah Stewart

Catching up....

Every day I check my buddy Neil Browns blog to see if he has written any more! Its almost like an obsession you see. His writing interest me and he adds just enough humor to make what could be a really depression subject, interesting and not depressing at all! I was thrilled when yesterday he posted not just one but two blogs. After I read his blog I was browsing through the rest of his site because he just doesn't have a page, he has a whole freakin site dedicated to his writing, and saw my name! Yep, there it was Jenny Jones Blog. Which reminded me that I very well may have been neglecting my own blog. Oops!

So here I am, catching up! My life isn't all that intersting and I don't have any major pitfalls to over come. Its life. My life. Work, family, working out, read sleep! So here it goes! All in a nutshell! :)

This month has been awesome! We have had some really great weekends. The weather was beautiful and we took full advantage of the first two weekends in March by spending it at the lake. I will refer to the Lake many times and what I mean by that is my Grandparents house on Lake Barkley.

The first weekend we went down was with the whole family. All of our kids including Troy, Lindsay and Chloe. Then of course Nanny and Papa too! We packed so much fun into one day that we were all so wore out. It was a great weekend with very little fighting. (still some, we can't expect miracles).
We did some much needed yard work in the morning hours. Aaron and Jimmy took turns driving the riding lawn mower up and down the hill to unload sticks and leaves. Aaron succeeded in dumping CHloe and Jimmy off the wagon and the tail gate hit JImmy right in the head! He had a nasty cut which everyone insisted didnt need stitches so i went with the majority vote even though i still think it could have used a few! Then we ate our favorite lunch. Porkys! An older man smokes his pork in a parking lot and we love it! Its a real treat for us! Then.....We rode the 4 wheelers, played foot ball, shot Bob and Troys guns! Just sat around and gabbed! It was a really really wonderful weekend! We watched movies and played poker all night Saturday. Papa kicked all of our butts! But we didnt expect any less. Lindsay and Papa both have a real big competitive streak which def made the night interesting. I kept stealing Bobs chips. Figures as his wife I was due them! :)
The next weekend we went down with Amy and Hayjo and Nanny and Papa. We went into town on Saturday morning with complete intentions on going to the civil war reenactement they had going on but all of our allergies were killing us! So we ate some Porkys (of course), went to FREDS, (gotta love freds), and then went back to the house and lounged all day! Watched a couple of really good movies that night after my grandma cooked us a great dinner and then went to the reenactment on Sunday before heading home. It was a much more relaxing weekend than the one before but no less fun!
This last weekend however we stayed home. It was dreary, cold, and not very motivating. See we've been working out with our kids for the last few months to get into shape for summer and one of the things we've been doing is boxing. So this weekend we decided to put our new skills to the test and we set up a boxing area in our makeshift gym and put on the gloves! It was so much fun and painful at the same time! I'll put the links to the video on here if you're interested!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4CeQ9LbQGk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4CeQ9LbQGk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2nW-EW4o00&feature=youtube_gdata_player

So That was my first three weekends in March so I'm excited to see how the next one goes! What shall we do? Only time will tell!
Enjoy my pictures! :)

Heartach vs love

Its true what they say, the ones you love have the most power to hurt you. Especially, your children. As adults we have learned to somewhat sensor what comes out of our mouths. We may be spitting mad and dying to hurl that insult we know will hit the other person right where it hurts but because we are more grown up and our tempers are more fine tuned, we don't.  Children however, don't have that must control. This is my most recent heartache.

My boys were fighting. I heard them. They usually wrestle around on the bed until one of them starts screaming so this wasn't new. But tonight my youngest was screaming. Panicking, as I always do when I hear them carrying on this way, I run in there to see the oldest, (just turned 13) with the youngest (9) in a headlock with the youngest one struggling to get free. It was clear that he was more upset with being put in the headlock than actually hurt. So I yell at the oldest to let go, then I yell at the youngest to go to his room.

I follow the youngest because I know that no matter what something he did whether it be innocent or not, provoked his brother into this. So I follow as he stomps to his room. What did you do? I ask. He shrugs while crying. He is a sensitive boy. I almost hate confronting him because he gets his feelings hurt so easily but I knew that I had too. After not getting anywhere with him I tell him that he knows he cannot provoke his brother by acting silly or even hitting or punching him or talking back to him. The oldest is now 13 and he doesn't have much patience for his little brother.

Getting nowhere I go back into the oldest room. He is sitting on his bed with his arms crossed belligerent. I know he's spoiling for a fight. I can see it in his eyes. Usually my temper is just as bad as his. Not today though. Somehow I approached him calmly. "You know you are big enough you could really hurt your brother right." my son says, "I don't care! He shouldn't have been hitting me!" Which is true but I don't give in. "If he is hitting you then you should come tell me and let me deal with it!", yet we try to teach our kids not to be tattle tales, "Whatever!" he yells. "Your always sticking up for him." I try to explain that i wasn't sticking up for him. That the youngest got a talking too as well. But he doesn't hear it. Finally he yells" I hate you, I hate being at your house. And I hate that little punk in there!" pointing to his brothers room.

So instantly my heart shatters even though I know he doesn't mean it. Hes just mad and upset and wouldn't listen to reason. So instead of pushing the issue and arguing over it like I would have done in the past, I said "Okay, sorry you feel that way." And I backed out of the room and shut the door. the whole time my heart is beating a mile a minute and there are unshed tears in my eyes. I'm a sensitive soul too. My boys def get it from me.

So now is the hard part. I sit back and wait. Because see, despite all else, my kids do love me and each other and they, just like myself, cannot stand it when one of us is mad at the other. A little over an hour goes by but sure enough, the oldest comes out of his room and goes into the youngest room. I don't hear whats being said but I do know that they hugged because I saw that much. Minutes later they both exit the room and go to watch TV together in the oldest room. Even though they didn't approach me I know that when I walk into that room I'll be greeted with a smile and a hug.

See, even though it will happen again and again, maybe even tonight, I know that eventually it works itself out. In our family in the battle heartache vs love. Love wins every time!