Heartach vs love

Its true what they say, the ones you love have the most power to hurt you. Especially, your children. As adults we have learned to somewhat sensor what comes out of our mouths. We may be spitting mad and dying to hurl that insult we know will hit the other person right where it hurts but because we are more grown up and our tempers are more fine tuned, we don't.  Children however, don't have that must control. This is my most recent heartache.

My boys were fighting. I heard them. They usually wrestle around on the bed until one of them starts screaming so this wasn't new. But tonight my youngest was screaming. Panicking, as I always do when I hear them carrying on this way, I run in there to see the oldest, (just turned 13) with the youngest (9) in a headlock with the youngest one struggling to get free. It was clear that he was more upset with being put in the headlock than actually hurt. So I yell at the oldest to let go, then I yell at the youngest to go to his room.

I follow the youngest because I know that no matter what something he did whether it be innocent or not, provoked his brother into this. So I follow as he stomps to his room. What did you do? I ask. He shrugs while crying. He is a sensitive boy. I almost hate confronting him because he gets his feelings hurt so easily but I knew that I had too. After not getting anywhere with him I tell him that he knows he cannot provoke his brother by acting silly or even hitting or punching him or talking back to him. The oldest is now 13 and he doesn't have much patience for his little brother.

Getting nowhere I go back into the oldest room. He is sitting on his bed with his arms crossed belligerent. I know he's spoiling for a fight. I can see it in his eyes. Usually my temper is just as bad as his. Not today though. Somehow I approached him calmly. "You know you are big enough you could really hurt your brother right." my son says, "I don't care! He shouldn't have been hitting me!" Which is true but I don't give in. "If he is hitting you then you should come tell me and let me deal with it!", yet we try to teach our kids not to be tattle tales, "Whatever!" he yells. "Your always sticking up for him." I try to explain that i wasn't sticking up for him. That the youngest got a talking too as well. But he doesn't hear it. Finally he yells" I hate you, I hate being at your house. And I hate that little punk in there!" pointing to his brothers room.

So instantly my heart shatters even though I know he doesn't mean it. Hes just mad and upset and wouldn't listen to reason. So instead of pushing the issue and arguing over it like I would have done in the past, I said "Okay, sorry you feel that way." And I backed out of the room and shut the door. the whole time my heart is beating a mile a minute and there are unshed tears in my eyes. I'm a sensitive soul too. My boys def get it from me.

So now is the hard part. I sit back and wait. Because see, despite all else, my kids do love me and each other and they, just like myself, cannot stand it when one of us is mad at the other. A little over an hour goes by but sure enough, the oldest comes out of his room and goes into the youngest room. I don't hear whats being said but I do know that they hugged because I saw that much. Minutes later they both exit the room and go to watch TV together in the oldest room. Even though they didn't approach me I know that when I walk into that room I'll be greeted with a smile and a hug.

See, even though it will happen again and again, maybe even tonight, I know that eventually it works itself out. In our family in the battle heartache vs love. Love wins every time!